First Hit #1: February 7, 1976
Lies! This song only lists five ways to leave your lover, which makes it a terrible guide to lover leaving unlike what the title might suggest. I’m disappointed in you, Paul Simon.
Looking at it as a pop song rather than a break up guide, however, it’s a deliciously odd and unique little song, and showcases Simon having a little fun with a song about breakups. It’s got an odd, militaristic beat, which contrasts with Simon’s sweet and melodious voice. The lyrical content – about a frustrated mistress wishing her lover would just end it with his stupid wife already – is contrasted with the jokey and actually somewhat whimsical chorus, which describes five ways of lover leaving in a peppy and goofball manner. It’s the best kind of silly song, one that is amusing but in an intelligent way.