First Hit #1: September 23, 1989
Rap is hard. It’s a style of music that is heavily dependent on lyrics, and when the lyrics are bad it can’t help but draw attention to that. Milli Vanilli isn’t quite rap, but Girl, I’m Gonna Miss You does have a certain rap influence, filtered through some pop and disco, so it’s a good example as any of how hard it is to write the lyrics. The anonymous studio musician charged with the task here just can’t get any sort of flow to the lyrics, and they sound incredibly stilted and awkward. The chorus improves things, since the singing gives a flow to the words and helps alleviate some of the less smooth aspects of the words. But it’s still an incredibly awkward song, and it sounds like everyone involved didn’t quite know what they were doing so they attempted to fake it just enough to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes. They weren’t successful in that endeavor, leading to one of the most awkward songs to ever grace the top of the charts.